Emergency Room

Yesterday I woke up with a migraine. It was also almost 90 out yesterday. So I got up and turned the air on and laid back down. I tried to spend a lot of time laying down resting because I was in a lot of pain. I was laying down in my bed watching TV and playing with Kailyn. She had brought some toys on to my bed. Well she ended up jumping on me, and her knee landed directly on my abdomen. Then I started having cramping type pains. A little while later, Kailyn got up and shut my bedroom door and went in to the living room. I was still laying in bed with a cool rag on my forehead. A few minutes later I hear a woman yelling hello in my living room, so I jumped up and ran out there. She said "did you know your daughter was playnig outside by herself?" and had Kailyns hand. Kailyn was naked except for a diaper because it was so hot. I said no and started freaking out and thanking the lady. I scooped Kailyn up and came inside and just broke down. I bawled for about two hours straight. I cried so hard that I was throwing up. Anything could have happened. Well all the crying and puking and everything made my head hurt ten times worse, and my stomach was still hurting. So when Kevin got home, we took Kailyn to my parents house and I went to the ER. They gave me morphine and nausea medication, and did an ultrasound of the baby. They couldnt tell gender (I asked lol) but the baby looked fantastic. S/he was moving all around doing somersaults and enjoying life. Heart rate was 153 bpm. Now the cramping is gone, but I still have a headache, and I still feel like the most negligent, inadequate mom in the world. Anything could have happened to Kailyn. I am so grateful it didnt, but I dont think I have ever been more scared and relieved at the same time. I cried almost all night long over the "could haves and what ifs." I put a child safety thing on the door knob, and tonight Kevin is putting a chain on it. I just keep remembering the tragedy stories that sound a lot like that. There was an angel sitting on her shoulder, and for that I am so very grateful. But I still feel absolutely horrific.